Piranha 3D

Jerry O'Connell portrays "not" Joe Francis and Christopher Lloyd plays the Doc Brown of man-eating fish instead of time travel and they both seem to be giving performances in the movie I signed up for. The special effects aren't much to look at with the exception of Riley Steele. Ving Rhames's last stand with a boat propeller is glorious but sadly cut short for obvious reasons. The film is what it is except when it isn't. At one minute, the film seems to want me to take pleasure at the sight of Eli Roth getting his head smashed in by a speed boat and at the next moment, it wants me to give a shit about the plight of Elizabeth Shue and her dumb kids. I'm indiscriminate when it comes to horror victims. I wanted them all as food for the fishes. Unlike such fare as, say, Snakes on a Plane, it never builds to a transcendent stupidity like I wanted it to and the violence is actually pretty dang grody and didn't lend itself well as fodder for derisive laughter. Forgettable except for O'Connell's character "not" inspired by the creator and producer of the "Girls Gone Wild"(TM) series's final words, which will haunt me for ages.